Smiles that fade

I’m starting to get a bit more settled here in Tokyo. I’m sure I’ve said that before, but it’s a process. Big city, new situation, millions of people, all that jazz. I took the time to take stock of my life and decided I’m pretty much happy with it. I have a place to live in an awesome city. I am employed and health insured. My job is fairly easy, gives me a decent salary and allows me a good deal of free time. I am moving ahead on plans for life post teaching English. I’m developing a network of friends and starting to solidify the core of it. This is also allowing me to keep my social calendar as full or as empty and I wish of it. Everything is, for the most part, pretty darn good. Are things perfect? No. I’d be lying if I denied that something big is missing.

It is no secret that I want a relationship. There is also nothing wrong with that. I am human; this is how we are wired. We are social creatures, and while friends fill certain aspects of our needs, little else provides the companionship and intimacy of a significant other. I do miss those. The issue is I was pursuing relationships in a western fashion. I mean, why not? Doing so worked perfectly well for me before. Lately, however, it caused me a bit of trouble. The result being my life is a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Highs and lows, things going really well then plummeting down to the gutters. All while I am left frustrated, disappointed, confounded and clueless. I’ve also had a combination of the best and the worst luck dating wise in quick succession. I have a number of stories I would be happy to share, but this would not be the right forum for it. What I will say about my romantic attempts with the opposite sex is this: I wish things turned out differently. I wish I had better timing. Especially with the most recent one.

But, there is nothing one can do to change the past. You can only move forward.

From all of this I am learning that Western dating culture and Eastern dating culture are vastly different. A conversation with a Japanese lady friend of mine who found herself equally confused after a few dates with a Western man began this realization. I have since spoken with a number of my Japanese friends and come to learn a good deal more about the Japanese way of doing things. From a Western perspective, the Japanese style of dating seems very regimented, strict, serious, immature and perhaps even prude. From a Japanese perspective, the Western style of dating seem brash, arrogant and slutty. Both side views the other as crazy. The Japanese language not having any gradation on the words like and love certainly doesn’t help either.

In my case, a number of people misunderstand my actions as hunting for a girlfriend- thinking that anyone will do- and that all I want is sex. This is far from the reality, and it bothered me quite a bit. Then I decided that whoever likes me and will be my friend is going to like me for me and will try to understand me. Whoever doesn’t simply isn’t going to regardless. The ones who aren’t going to like me can jump off Skytree for all I care.

I’m going to write two posts following this. One of the Western culture of dating, and one on the Japanese / Asian culture of dating. These are going to be fairly big posts, and I’m looking for input and feedback from others on this. Keep tuned you Western boys and Eastern girls. It could be useful. Or at least interesting.

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