I write a lot of very negative and depressing sounding posts. Especially lately. I do that mostly so I don’t talk about such things and be negative quite so much in my everyday life. Or at least that’s the idea. It’s not working out as well as I had hoped. But it does help a little. By writing down all the crap in my head that I am feeling I (usually) get it out of my system. It has to go somewhere. I’m starting to write more of them down and then just putting them aside. The simple act of writing it sometimes helps.

I don’t like negativity or being negative. I want to be more cheery, positive and up beat. Yet I am not a terribly reserved individual and my enthusiasm is met with mixed reactions. I suppose I should learn to tone things down from time to time.

At my darkest times emotionally, I faked being happy. Oddly when I’m really, truly terribly upset I don’t want anyone to know. Yet that is when things have turned positive the fastest. Perhaps I should fake it all the time. If I pretend to constantly be happy perhaps I will eventually trick myself into actually being happy. Sure it’s living a lie, but lots of people do that. I should join the club.

In all seriousness, my life has seen a great many changes both recently and in the past four years. If I focus on doing what is right for me I’m sure it will come together for the best. Probably. Maybe.


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